PGR F1 2011: A short survival guide

There´s something going on lately. There´s something in the air. A silent feeling, so minuscule that it´s almost not noticeable. But it clearly is among us. Some don´t notice it at all while others have goosebumbs on the tip of their index, middle and ring finger without knowing the reason for it.

Rumors occurred about animals behaving rather strange. Dogs being abnormally nervous. Cats hiding with tremor under sofas. And giant swarms of birds flying north in the middle of fall.
Reports came in about people who witnessed deer running frantically on the road instead of simply crossing it. Several persons, who at this point wanted to stay anonymous, insisted that the deer they saw were wearing helmets.

A young man from Austria is now under mental treatment because he was convinced of the fact that a hazelnut in a race-kart overtook him on his way to work.
Apple received several complaints from disappointed customers who claimed that their newly purchased I-pods were only able to play one single song: Peter Schilling´s Major Tom.

Saxony’s prime minister Stanislaw Tillich saw only one possible solution to keep the situation under control and to guarantee a stable and safe government: “I think it would be best to centralize our constitutional power. In these times of trouble the first thing we need is a strong hand to guide the way”.
However it is not yet decided who will take the roll as an emperor or king.

The U.S government takes it one step further by reinstalling two former top FBI- investigators. Insiders reported that the new task-force is internally known as the XYY-Files.

Apparently there´s a lot of confusion and curiosity about the big upcoming event, this article will try to give you a detailed preview of what to expect and it will provide any information necessary to survive at least the next 2 weeks.
The reason behind those mysterious events is only known to a few „chosen“people. And if you spend your precious time reading this article, you are probably one of them and I will therefore keep further explanations to myself.


First things first: The circus is heading to Australia! The teams and their staff are already on site. The first eye catcher of the season was the new motor home of Rudy Oosterndijk.
Here´s a little preview:

Haselnuss surprised everybody by presenting his new personal assistant who takes care of his physical well being 24 hours a day:

“There is no dispute amongst local users that PGR Formula One is the most prestigious, challenging and, therefore, most popular competition in the German-speaking countries.”
Statements like this one or the decision to open the championship for international drivers put a lot of pressure on the participants. And all of them know: Hard physical and mental training as well as a healthy diet are the key to success.
“There´s always something to do and to learn”. The pre-season preparations are brutally stressful for every driver.
When asked how many hours he slept last night, Kaiserkönig answered: “12”!!!
(Majortom said 5 but we were surprised that he actually needs sleep at all…)

But what´s important is on the track.
A critical subject in Melbourne are the tires. On temporary circuits like Albert Park, the black gold does not provide as much grip as usually but on the other hand tire wear shouldn´t be that much of a problem.
Surprisingly when asked after their favorite bubble-gum-brand almost every driver voted for the not-so-tasty-but-therefore-longer-lasting Wrigleys instead of the taste-explosion-but-gone after-5-seconds Hubba Bubba.
The decision for the longer lasting rubber could give a hint on one of the challenges drivers will face during the race.
The track is very narrow and overtaking will be difficult. A flexible pit-strategy can therefore be very helpful.
There´s always a risk of getting stuck behind a slow adversary when exiting the pits. It´s important to take advantage of an empty track!
It is therefore very likely that drivers bet their money on a conservative strategy. Only Reh said that he had something in his pocket that might prove everybody wrong. But his hints were rather imprecise: [link]

However it is unknown whether the metaphor between tires and bubble-gum was understandable for every driver.

The other factor playing into the pit-strategy is the fuel consumption. Basically, and that counts for every racetrack and car in the world, drivers have two alternatives to choose from: Beer or wine. Beer is the simple solution. It´s fast and effective. But you´ll have to hit the toilet more often than you might want to.
Wine on the other hand is more complex. It makes you a bit lazy but it also lasts longer and therefore takes you further.
So to keep the strategy flexible, wine would be the winner’s choice.

There´s also consent among the drivers:

But as previously mentioned, physical and, especially in Melbourne, mental fitness are the Alpha and Omega. It is therefore very important to find an inner balance and to prepare oneself mentally for the race as good as possible. But how can one prepare for a track that is supposed to be a street circuit and at the same time looks and sometimes feels like a permanent one?
Which approach is the better one? Relaxation by hiking through the Swiss Alps or an active, mind-opening city trip?
A short survey gave a clear result:

But the real result of this survey was obvious. This is more or less what most drivers answered: “Ho…..ly..….dae….what the hell is this guy talking about????”
They simply know that there´s absolutely no time to relax. Taking a time out is not an option. Who wants to win MUST stay focused at all time! Forget your family, brake up with your girlfriend, stop feeding your pet and let it die!
This also explains the weird, omnipresent smell in the paddock. “Who has time for a shower? There´s always a chance for rain during the race. And the Champaign covers everything!”

So what have we learned now? What do we need to expect?
If you want to panic, now´s your chance! It´s only 9 days now until it all starts. So buckle up, stop sleeping, drink a lot of Red-bull and “Live the next 6 month like they are the last 6 month of your life!”